Being a mum is one of the most rewarding roles in the world. It's also one of the hardest.
For many women, the choice (or necessity) to return to work brings with it a range of emotions. This often includes an element of guilt.
At Find A Babysitter, we hear from hundreds of Australian parents juggling work, kids, kinder, school, sport, home life and everything in between.
Whether it’s missing milestones, relying on childcare, or simply feeling torn in two, working mothers' guilt is very common. This is especially true during the school holidays when the juggling act is real.
Psychologists have studied parental guilt extensively, especially in the context of working parents.
Evidence shows that guilt is a very common emotion for parents - particularly mothers. It can have both positive and negative effects, depending on how it's managed.
Excessive guilt can lead to higher levels of stress, burn out and low self-esteem.
Moderate levels of guilt can be a motivator though! (We can feel less guilty about feeling guilty!)
Feelings of guilt can prompt you to review a situation and decide what's working or not. It can motivate you to change something for the better.
Why Mums Feel Guilt
According to parenting psychologists, guilt arises when parents believe they are not meeting either:
- Their own expectations or
- The perceived expectations of others.
Common triggers include:
- Leaving a child in care to go to work
- Being distracted or cranky around the kids
- Giving kids screentime to get through the day
- Wishing for some time alone
Added Pressure
Feelings of guilt are often exaccerbated by comparison to others (the thief of joy!), social pressure and gender norms. Mums often feel pressure to meet unrealistic and impossible standards. Mothers also commonly operate within the cultural model of the 'self sacrificing mum' (the one who eats the burnt chop!), which adds more tension and guilt.
It Means You Care
That sinking feeling when you leave your child in someone else’s care? That pang when you can’t make storytime at school?
Feelings of guilt is often a sign of love and care. You love your kids. You care about doing things well - being a great parent and employee.
It's a sign that you care deeply about your role as a parent, raising children well.
You Are Modelling Values - Work, Reslience and Strength
Children learn from what they see. When they see you showing up for work, handling challenges, and managing responsibilities, they’re watching and learning.
As a working mother you are modelling:
- Resilience – managing work-life
- Independence – earning and contributing to your family
- Work ethic – showing commitment and perseverance
- Your identity – making time for work, family and yourself
- Setting Goals & Striving – studying a course or building a career
Whether you're studying, running a business, working part-time or full-time, your children see this. You’re living your values. Walking the talk!
Find the best babysitters and nannies near you!
Quality Childcare Is Beneficial
Some working mums feel guilty handing over children to a babysitter, a nanny or childcare centre. But getting childcare support is essential.
In fact, high-quality childcare offers:
- Social development through play and interaction
- Exposure to new routines and learning opportunities
- A chance to build confidence away from home
- Another trusted adult in their life who can support their growth
Australian Research shows that
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Children who attend high-quality childcare and early learning services showed better cognitive development (language, numeracy, reasoning) and social competence than those who experience lower-quality care.
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The quality of the educator–child interaction is the most critical factor - more important than the hours or setting (long day care vs family day care). Choosing a quality nanny or babysitter can be an asset.
When you choose care thoughtfully - whether it’s a part-time nanny, an after-school babysitter, or a childcare centre you’re providing another opportunity to support child development.
Select a Quality Babysitter or Nanny
You can take steps to ensure you choose the best babysitter or nanny for your family. After posting a job on Find A Babysitter and attracting a range of applicants, we recommend shortlisting the top three candidates. Then conduct interviews to find the best match. Here's our handy interview guide for interviewing a nanny or babysitter.
After you identify the ideal babysitter or nanny it's important to conduct reference checks. This will confirm your choice. Check out our tips on how to reference check a babysitter so you can complete this step easily.
Perfect Parenting Doesn't Exist - Do the Best You Can!
We often hear mums say, “I feel like I’m not doing anything well - work or parenting.” We hear you! It's an impossible juggling act!
You don’t have to do it all. Some days work will need more of you. Other days, your child will. The idea of a perfect life is a myth. What matters more is:
- Being present when you're with your child
- Setting boundaries that allow you to recharge
- Setting up supports and systems (e.g., babysitter, cleaner, grocery deliveries)
Let go of unrealistic standards and give yourself permission to be you, doing the best you can, with the resources you have.
Self Care is Vital
Working mums are masters of multitasking, but we often put ourselves last.
Running on empty isn’t sustainable. It's important to recharge. When we care for ourselves, we’re better able to manage things.
Even small moments of self-care can make a big difference:
- Enjoying a quiet coffee alone
- Taking a walk between meetings
- Asking a babysitter to help for a few extra hours
What about the dads? Do they feel guilt too?
While “mum guilt” tends to be more openly discussed, many dads experience their own version of guilt when balancing work and family.
Some dads feel pressure to be the provider, yet also want to be hands-on, emotionally present parents and can struggle when work takes them away from key moments.
The difference is that dad guilt is often less recognised or spoken about, which can make it harder to process. But just like mums, dads benefit from support, flexibility, and understanding.
Families thrive when both parents are encouraged to show up and share all the roles they juggle. Guilt may still arise, but open communication, shared roles and responsibilities, and realistic expectations can help both mums and dads manage the challenges of modern parenting and childcare.
How to Cope With Working Mother Guilt? Self Compassion
Dr. Kristin Neff, a leading researcher in the study of self-compassion suggests:
- Talking to yourself the way you'd talk to a friend, be kind and supportive!
- Recognising that parenting is hard for everyone, you are not alone
- Letting go of perfectionism.
“Guilt is normal, it shows you care,” says Dr. Kristin Neff. “But beating yourself up doesn’t make you a better parent. Kindness toward yourself does.”
Challenge Unrealistic Expectations
Think about the reasons you're feeling guilty and whether the standards you've set for yourself are fair and reasonable or not.
- Are these standards reasonable?
- Are they coming from me or from others? (social media, in-laws, society)
- Would I expect this of someone I love?
Seek Support
It's always helpful to know that you are not alone and there are others dealing with the same situation. Consider
- Talking to other parents in the same boat
- Joining communities (online or offline)
- Seeking professional help if your feelings become overwhelming
Guilt is a part of parenting - but it can be managed with self-awareness, support, and realistic expectations. Parents can become more connected and confident in the process.
If you're wondering whether a babysitter may be helpful - find out more about what is a babysitter or nanny and how they can support your family.
At Find A Babysitter, our mission is to help parents reduce stress by finding reliable, trusted babysitters or nannies who make family life easier, calmer, and more manageable.
