Nanny etiquette – do’s and dont’s

Because having a nanny in the home crosses professional and personal boundaries, it can be difficult to know what behaviour is acceptable, in a variety of situations. For au pairs who live with the families of the children they look after, it can be even more confusing.

Here are some general rules that need to be considered when working as a nanny or an au pair in addition to the individual house rules of the family:

DO’s

• Do provide discipline without using physical punishment. Most parents won’t like the idea of anyone but them smacking their child, if they even approve of smacking at all.
• Do consider the safety of the kids in conjunction with having fun – such as applying sunscreen, wearing hats and drinking water on hot days, having the children wear a jacket when it’s cold outside and holding their hands when crossing the street.
• Do ensure children are fed and put down to nap at the times set by the parents to ensure the children don’t fall out of a routine.
• Do assist with children’s learning by doing things like reading and allocating time for them to do their homework and following their interests.
• Do take notice of the things the children do and say so you can keep the parents informed of how they are growing and developing.
• Do tell the parents about any accidents (however minor) that occur, and likewise if the children are sick or distressed when they are with you, even if you are afraid of how the parents will react.
• Do drive safely whenever you are transporting the children anywhere.
• Do complete the household chores you are asked to do.
• Do respect the privacy of the family by not snooping or eavesdropping.

DONT’s

• Don’t go against the requests of the parents when it comes to feeding the children, even as a treat. And try and maintain a good diet in front of the children as much as possible.
• Don’t use the television or DVD player as a babysitter and be sure to give the kids your full attention when they are awake.
• Don’t ever consume alcohol or drugs while working or within 24 hours of needing to be at work.
• Don’t ever swear or speak badly of the children’s parents in front of the children.
• Don’t let the children watch movies or play with toys that are inappropriate for their age.
• Don’t leave children alone, even when close by, and especially when bathing the children or when outside near the street or a backyard pool.
• Don’t invite any personal guests to the house even when the children are asleep, unless you have received permission from the parents to do so.
• Don’t allow the children to regress when a parent has asked for assistance with things like weaning a child off a bottle or dummy, moving from nappies to pull-ups or dropping one a day time sleep, just to make things easier for yourself.
• Don’t get so attached that you can’t make the transition to a new family as it is inevitable that the children will grow and start school.
• Don’t use money that is supposed to be spent on the children on yourself or for things other than what it is meant to be used for. It’s a fine line between that and stealing which is obviously a definite no.
• Don’t ever impose your values (such as religion or whether Santa Claus is real) on the children you work with, especially if it is against the beliefs of the family.

Just like the nannies are expected to behave a certain way, parents should also respect the nannies by providing an environment in which they can do their job most efficiently.

DO’s

• Do pay your nanny on time as per the agreed terms.
• Do return home on time and call ahead if you are going to be late.
• Do be specific about the responsibilities of the job and the housekeeping duties and don’t change things without discussing them in detail with the nanny.
• Do offer positive feedback and constructive criticism.
• Do give the nanny plenty of notice when you change your childcare arrangements or when the children start school.

DONT’s

• Don’t compare your nanny to previous nannies you’ve had.
• Don’t feel insecure about your children bonding with the nanny.
• Don’t be passive aggressive when there is a problem, communicate openly about it with the nanny to resolve the issue.

Nannies speak about their different situations:

Simone looks after a sixteen month old little girl and twenty one month old boy who are cousins and says, “The parents have asked that the little boy sleeps no longer than two hours so I wake him up each day. Also the family eats very healthily and mostly organic food since both mothers are vegetarians. So I only prepare food that is in the house and if we go out we take our food.”

Neroli, an experienced nanny who has worked for lots of families says “Discipline is always discussed, I will always follow the parents lead on this and usually parents like to use time out as it works very well. Generally I’m expected to keep the children’s rooms and play areas tidy, prepare their meals, sometimes do the washing an occasionally ironing but only the children’s.”

“Live in nannying is extremely different to live out nannying. With live in nannying the day begins before the children get up,” says Jacinta. “Jobs are always evolving as the children’s needs change and the parents circumstances change too and routines are altered with school holidays, hours, etc. You need to be flexible and adaptable to maintain solidity and stability for the children you care for.”

Emma who has nannied for five different families says, “I am employed a little differently as I am also a trained chef and plan, prepare and shop for the evening meals and other housekeeping duties are kept to a mimimum. Probably the biggest area of concern for the parents I work for is diet and that they don’t eat too much close to mealtimes. You always know that when you begin a job it has a shelf life but it doesn’t stop you from getting in there and being a part of the family.”

By Brooke Tasovac